I want to be present in my creature's life. When he looks back on his childhood I want him to remember when we played, laughed, cried, read, jumped, danced and everything else. I want him to remember WE did that together. Not that I just watched, but enthusiastically participated. I want to be excited and revel in his smallest accomplishments. To experience all of those moments again through him...how sound comes from guitar strings, or opening and closing a drawer. It is all so magical and new to my creature and I want him to know that I am excited for him too!
I don't have many of those memories. I don't have all that many memories of my childhood in general, but I have no memories of my parents being present in a real way. I am sure they were there watching, monitoring, making sure we were safe, but I can't remember them down on all fours helping me build a block tower or running around playing cops and robbers. My brother is the most prominent figure in my memories; we experienced life together.
But where were Mom and Dad?
I know they did their best. My mom worked nights and although she desperately wanted to be more present, she didn't have the time or energy to fulfill that desire. My dad was out to sea quite a bit and I think his role as a father didn't include what we as children craved most...to have our parents experience our childhood with us.
What does it mean to be present?
I think it requires a certain level of sacrifice for a parent to be truly present. The cleaning might have to be put on hold while a lego battleship is being built. Dinner might not be on time or gourmet, because an intense game of tag was taking place. Sleep might be sacrificed to finish the adult chores that were put on hold because you read three stories instead of just one. Thursday night shows may be missed because that game of peek-a-boo was just to important to interrupt.
It is really a sacrifice though? Shouldn't our children get our best, not the spare time we begrudgingly give them?
Being present is the little things; the inconsequential times that mean the most. When Creature is grown I want him to look back and see me right there next to him and know that I cherished everyday with him.
This is my goal as a parent. Hopefully, I can meet this expectation to the best of my ability and never regret not spending enough time with him.
There is nothing more important, or a greater gift for you both being present. I tried, and I had successes and failures. Just last night I told Rob that I felt like there were too many times I was multi-tasking work and home and kids. That I wasn't there with them. But then my kids remind me often of this or that, and I remember I always did the best I could at the time. Keep the word present somewhere where you can see it. Remind yourself nothing is more important, and it will take you through this maze of parenthood. And the cool thing is, when they are adults, if you were truly present, they remember, and your relationship is the coolest thing. i miss my kids not because I think they need me anymore, but because they have grown into these amazing people, and I love hanging out with them. You and creature, that will be the case. So play tag, crockpot your dinners, let work be work and not your life. Enjoy each and every moment, as you already do.
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this is even harder as a divorced parent...I constantly have people telling me to blow off my kids' stuff to finish the stuff I need to finish (and as the divorced parent who does ALL the parenting tasks, this is really difficult), but I also need to make sure I am a whole person, so my kids have learned that I am their artist mom...sure, they will complain that sometimes the art comes first (but it usually doesn't, and I hope as adults they realize that), but I also know I can't be a whole person if all I am is the chick on the floor with the Legos (god knows I did lots of that)...I think no matter what, if you are present when you are with them, then they will know that, and if you are there when they really truly need you, then they will know that. But you do have to be your own person...it's a skinny path to walk, but walk it we do.
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