Really, I care about it that much?!?!?!

I have a very weird feeling about working out...it is probably the most important thing in my day. Not that I do it as often as I should or because I want to be healthy, but because I place sooooo much emphasis on it.  If I work out then I feel like I accomplished something.

Seriously, I could finish a quilt, clean the house, write three emails, water the plants, and so much more, but if there is no planned exercise then I failed for the day...how fucked up is that? I mean it is not even about the health aspect...nope...its about the fact that I don't want to get fat. I am so concerned with my size that working out will make or break my feeling of accomplishment for the day. I wish I could get over it too! It is so annoying to feel like a failure because I didn't go the gym. It doesn't help that husby is so freakin gorgeous...I mean don't get me wrong, I am not complaining that my husband is as my mom stated "moviestar handsome," but that doesn't help me any. It just puts more pressure on me. For goodness sake, he gets up at 4:30 am to go the gym...how annoying is that???? (but I do love the way he looks)

But back to me, I want to look good and I want him to look at me and still like what he sees. But in all honesy, I have had a fear of getting fat since I was a child. I distinctly remember the day when my brother McBone, a friend the Snake, and I were all jumping on the trampoline and they called me a hippo. "Watch out the hippo is jumping," they would say.

That was 18 years ago, how and why do I remember that so vividly when I can barely remember the first time I had sex. In fact, thinking about it right, I DON'T remember it. I have never been small or skinny but I am fit. However fit I am, it is not good enough.